Whod you bang
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
