do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
