You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
