There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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