can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
