Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
