The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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