Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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