His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
