How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
