Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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