i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
