u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
