you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
