I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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