When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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