You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
