I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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