I am puke
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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