That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
