but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
