if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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