Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
