the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
is that a dick in a sweater?
Randomize
