I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
