just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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