she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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