Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Randomize
