so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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