Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
