His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
