i dedicated my morning wood to you.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I can't put those talents on a resume
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
