i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
