I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
