Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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