The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
You may now shotgun with the bride
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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