I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
