you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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