i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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