I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
