just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
