that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
