and next time when you feel me up, do it right
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
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