Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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