haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
