On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Holy sore nipples Batman
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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