I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
