she woke up with a sticky ear
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
She's not a foreskin expert like you
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Randomize
