If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Randomize
