Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
