yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
