Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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