Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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